Holiday Catch-Up

I mentioned holiday cards quite often in my blog and I actually made a very few, carefully deciding on which friends (poor family are always the first to be shortchanged). I had already made invitations and invited my local friends to a holiday party so they were quite easy to cut from the list. Then I decided there were a few I had promised (and wanted to make, plus when I promise someone it helps to motivate me to actually do it) a handmade card. My creativity was limited this past year and stuck in tag form it seemed. They are an easy form to add to and embelish and yet you can use the end product as a bookmark, hang it on a door or even a tree (although it is rather large). As I thought they are very similar to the holiday invitations, but a bit different too. For each person I chose a word for them...sort of a hope or prayer for them and then I wrote something truly sappy on the reverse side. I do hope by this time they all received their card!

Fumbling with Design

I have been contemplating design lately. The Holidays are drawing nearer and nearer and I still haven't a clue of what my card design (or designs) is going to be. Do I go elegant, fun, festive, funky or traditional? I really want to do special handmade cards this year...in fact I feel compelled to do them this year. I think a lot of my indecision stems from my being unsure of what my style is (something I have mentioned in an earlier post). I have noticed this frustrating inability to be cleanly and clearly me from my attempts at making artist trading cards (ATC). They aren't me. Rather the cards are a proximity of what I can do in a given amount of time with a certain theme. I ponder the themes for weeks and I am only compelled to do something by the deadline and often it is a compromise rather than any fulfillment of a "vision".

I think it may be time to exercise my creative muscles like I have with writing. For the past few weeks I have not only been writing on this blog, but more regularly writing in a personal journal. My journal has to be some of the most boring writing around, but I am learning to write consistently and not worrying about the quality nor the content as that is not the point. The personal journal is a means of chronicling my life and having an outlet rather than something to entertain others or even myself. I need to do a similar thing only visually to open up my artistic horizons and learn more about myself as a creator. I know what I am drawn to: art with a historic twist; incorporates a story as words and letters are important and beautiful to me; a touch of elegance and/or the ornate; a sense of chaotic movement; bold colors and ideas and an aspect of dark emotion (perhaps even morbid humor) and deep passions. How can I use these elements to create something that is me and that has the quality I desire? That is the question.

I have a circus themed ATC I am working on right now and I have decided to deal with elephants. For some reason I have this idea of an elephant feeling demeaned and angered by how it must pose, perform and is treated with little care for all her effort. I have named my fictional elephant Jade. I think for this theme I will also carve an elephant stamp--it is amazingly fun and gratifying to carve stamps. At right is a little of my preliminary planning for the circus ATC's (by the way the handwriting is the handwriting I have when it is for myself--it is a bit messier).

The other theme in October is orange. Now, I am a lover of orange, but I haven't a clue what my handle is on the color. I think it may be the 1970's...I keep thinking of the oranges found in the decor then (not to mention shag carpeting, macramé, owls, wooden beads, dark wood paneling, avocado green and harvest gold appliances and zigzags) and how many of my peers are now inspired by those same colors from their childhood and the reemergence of the popularity of orange in interior decorating.


In my search of Edward Gorey's illustrations (one of my favorites), I found Reusch Sketchbooks, a blog of an artist who posts images from his numerous sketchbooks. I haven't had a chance to at too many of his art, but what I have is intriguing to me. I especially like the first two sketches on the
Monday, March 5, 2007 entry on first glance.

At War with the Inner Critic

As much as I love the intricacies of planning: research; buying the elements; making lists and devising ideas my plans usually go awry before completion. In a piece of art this usually is a blessing, in all other areas of life this means many things left undone. My intentions are good, but how far can intentions get you?

One thing I always intend to do, but have only accomplished once is making handmade holiday cards for family and friends. Maybe if I start working on my idea now I will design and create a card people will treasure when they receive it in the mail in December. One of the problems with designing a holiday card is that my family and friends have diverse religious affiliations and I need to be sensitive regarding their beliefs. Do I do like that single successful year and do a nondenominational peace card? Or do I different cards with a similar footprint? I still prefer untraditional colors like pink and lime green or robin's egg blue and red for Christmas and turquoise and brown or aqua blue and sea glass green for Hanukkah. What about the other religions?

I look at old cards and such and see so much room for improvement in all I did and do. Yesterday at my monthly artist trading card (ATC) trade, I mentioned how in my recent packing up of my old studio I reviewed some of my ATC's and found them lacking in my opinion. I was not putting down my work so much as that I feel that in me I can do better...that I haven't reached some hidden potential I can only sense and haven't yet been able to exploit. In other words, I haven't found my artistic voice. All these years I have been fumbling around in the attempt to discover my authentic style and I have yet to find it. What I am making still isn't "right" and it doesn't feel entirely like me.

The same can be said for my creative writing. I constantly strive for the sense I have captured the ellusive truth and perhaps I begin anew too soon. I do know I struggle. In fact I struggle each time I write one of these entries as my inner critic finds more fault than good in what I do. If my inner critic had its way each entry would be a masterpiece and therefore never posted as I would be rewriting and revising the blasted thing everyday of my life to polish it until is gleamed like a jewel. Like a jewel it would be slick, cold and hard with no rough edges to make it interesting and human. When I post an entry it is actually a minor triumph for me of sincerity and honesty over a need for perfection. With any creative venture (actually most everything), I am working against my inner critic and my tendency to procrastinate (which I think is a mechanism to blindside my inner critic--I have not the luxury of time and must only do no matter the results).

So, dear reader, I return to my little battle and attempt to conqueror my inner critic long enough to create imperfect, but heartfelt holiday cards in time for the holidays.

P.S. I think I need to name my inner critic...it is about time we were on a first name basis. Any suggestions?