Random Harvest

I have been indulging in watching movies and reading novels of a romantic nature lately and yet I could not be more disinclined towards romance personally at the moment (or any time really). I have mentioned such things before and will no doubt bore you, dear reader, with it again that I show a great ineptitude in such areas of life. It is probably because at the heart of it I don't believe I deserve love nor do I have faith in my own power to love with any sort of constancy, regularity nor proper devotion. When my emotions are engaged I am a worse person for it, not better. Yet, it is wonderful to read and watch romances, which are so positive and hopeful.

I think you can find no more romantic film than one I watched on Saturday night. I have never seen the beginning of Random Harvest, but have seen the middle and end on more than one occasion. The hero of the film (the very debonair and elegant Ronald Colman) suffers from amnesia and what could be romantic than amnesia? Throw in the delightful Greer Garson as our brave, constant heroine and you have a winner. I shall not tell you about the plot for fear I will spoil the fun...should you wish to know more you shall have to see the movie for yourself! For anyone with a romantic leaning you can do no better for a movie about the miracle of love.

Finding the Romantic Within

I have never thought of myself as a girly-girl. I don't like getting my hair done or my nails (nail polish just starts to chip away nearly immediately and I hate that waste of money and energy). I don't enjoy shopping for clothes, although I like clothes and fashion in theory. I like pink fine, but not too much. I like jewelry, but find it mostly gets in the way or gets lost or damaged (I should admit that when I do buy or wear jewelry it is BIG). I don't really like diamonds--they are brilliantly sparkly true, but why not spend money on something more meaningful than a very expensive rock...I would be perfectly content with garnets myself. I have no dreams of a wedding...in fact if I get married I rather elope (it is just too hard to figure out who you are going to invite to a wedding, so it is best to just do it on your own and have everyone feel slighted!) and spend the money on a down payment for a house and have a very lovely party later with excellent food in a comfortable and relaxed setting.

But there are certainly ways I am a stereotypical woman: I LOVE, LOVE Jane Austen. Last night Masterpiece Theatre kicked off their new Masterpiece Classic hosted by Gillian Anderson (they will be announcing the new hosts for Masterpiece Mystery! (summer) and Masterpiece Contemporary (fall) later this year) with an all-new Persuasion. In fact for those who likewise are thrilled with waistcoats, men on horseback, misunderstandings, tart heroines and the like for the next few months every Sunday night on PBS is dedicated to airing the entire works of Jane Austen: "The Complete Jane Austen" (four of the productions are all new and a new biopic about Jane Austen as well). I swoon, I rejoice, and my little heart swells with warm romantic contentment. How can I be upset when I have Jane Austen to look forward to? After watching the sweet Persuasion (which I have been remiss in not reading), I pulled out my copy of A&E's Pride and Prejudice (the Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle version which in PBS's wisdom will also be airing) and slipped into a wholly pleasant state.

I had forgotten the seductive appeal of romantic books and film and how I disappear. For however long I read or watch, there is no me. I don't react, I don't think, but rather just observe. It is a blissful state of suspension. Sometimes it is good to be away from your own thoughts and emotions or at least I have always felt so. For a while I may have indulged too readily in my chosen drug, which helps to calm me. It is difficult being an even-tempered person when you have a terribly erratic and tempestuous emotional nature makes your skin feel like it is too tight....

Note: I have been playing with this post for the last couple and days and I am tired of it, so find it as it is--January 16, 2008

Power of Choice

I have been reading through the most recent issue of Saveur and some back issues. I love the wealth of information in this magazine from their brief memoirs to a sampling of a particular place, culture, family or food item. Lately I will spend free moments reading an issue cover to cover and I feel full upon finishing. This is a magazine about food, but more importantly it is about how every life is enriched and shaped by food and cooking. I appreciate that they delve into the history of foods and how economy, religion, people, location, politics, gender...everything flavors how and why we eat the food we do. For their January/February issue each year they have The Saveur 100: people, places, foods, restaurants and such they admire and love (2008 is the 10th anniversary of The Saveur 100). If you have a chance pick up one of these issues and be amazed by the diverse items that whet your curiosity and appetite.

A big problem now facing us all is how to be conscientious consumers in all things. The green movement not only faces us in our choice of car, appliances, cleaning products, but also in what and how we eat, what clothes we buy and where we buy our products. Often times paying less money may mean paying another price...antibiotics in the meat eaten and clothes made by people in intolerable conditions. How we spend money is more and more a political, ideological, moral and ethical decision. With all the technology at our fingertips and the ability to buy produce from nearly any continent of the planet there comes less knowledge about how these products are produced and transported to our shores. Conversely, there has never been a time when it is more important nor easier to find ways to be cognizant of the provenance of what we buy.

I have been reading and hearing some disturbing information about the food I consume and also the items I purchase for very seductively low prices and I am coming to realize I can't afford to only look at the upfront cost. I believe health wise the hormones in food I consume is causing me to confront issues I find challenging in the most positive of light. I have been speaking with my family about all of this and we are going to research organic foods. I want to know exactly what I am putting into my mouth. I in no way want to encourage the philosophy that profit is more important than all other factors and any means justify the result. When your whole goal is to gain material wealth you will go spiritually, emotionally, morally and mentally bankrupt.

I will try to keep you, dear reader, abreast of my process to cleanse my life, because that is what I am doing. I am going to see that life in all its various forms is worthy of time, attention, energy, contemplation and meaning. To relish the fact that choices matter--big and small and that I have every opportunity and the intoxicating luxury to live my life as I feel is just and right.

Recycle & Resolution

I went to my monthly artist trading card trade. This month's themes were Recycle & Resolution. My sister helped me to realize what I would recycle. One birthday many, many moons ago my best friend at the time made me a red and blue paint splattered t-shirt with matching socks and bow for my hair. I held onto these items for years and years (I think the bow least of all in all honesty) and last year when I was going through clothes I finally relented and gave up the way too small t-shirt to the rag bin. This by no means was an easy choice...in fact it was somewhat (pathetically) wrenching. My sister told me to grab the only mildly stained by motorcycle oil and such t-shirt and cut it up for the cards. Brilliant I thought! Finally the shirt will be memorialized into a tiny piece of art.

For my other card with the theme of Resolution there is the image of a beautiful young woman collecting flowers and enjoying nature and the life around her. My resolution of sorts was to savor & celebrate life. Now, I am not entirely happy with both cards (I am happier with the Recycle than Resolution) as they are pretty damnably flat (spare and with little embellishment) and yet there is something about them that are like me, just not enough....

See them for yourself, dear reader, below (please note that the poor woman actually does have some skin pigment in the actual cards):

I have so much farther to go! I know I can do 100% times better and I have in the past (there is a feeling in my stomach of wincing when I see them). I wonder if you can go in reverese in development? They look rather infantile to my eyes which means I need to start thinking upon the themes much earlier and experimenting rather than playing it very safe all the time (also finding where all my supplies are so I don't have to avoid techniques because I can't locate what I need to do them). Rather tame indeed! I am going to attempt to submit a card or two (not artist trading cards, but the type you send in the mail) by month's end to a publication with the theme: tantalizing turquoise along with a couple of friends of mine...I am going to push beyond my comfort zone and see if I can actually do anything with vitality!

Bonds

Habit although not a sexy concept is actually necessary for creating strong relationships. There is nothing like seeing someone or talking to someone on a regular basis to foster a sense of closeness. In college I often lived in the same dorm as my friends and ate dinner with them every evening. After graduation we all went our own way and no matter how you look at it we are not as close as we once were. I have no idea what each of my friend eats each night, although I do remember which friend nurses a coffee after dinner, which friend dislikes tomatoes, which one doesn't like sour cream and which friend that eats vegetables by choice. Do they still have the same food preferences? This I am not sure of, but if I were in contact with them on a consistent basis perhaps I would be. I haven't actually communicated with any of them for a while other than sending a holiday card. This is a stage in life when friends that live hundreds of miles away usually take a backburner to working on developing a family and local network of friends and career.

When you fall out of step of meeting up with someone or communicating with them your connection loosens and perhaps slips. Some friendships can survive such distance depending on the level of desire to maintain such friendship on both ends, but most simply disappear until one day you no longer know the friend you once knew so well and they fade into a stranger. Therefore of all commitments of time the most important and vital--outside of those to remain vibrantly, authentically ourselves--are those to others we want to remain in our lives. You have to invest consistently into such relationships and they are work...no relationship is without work as much as we wish to delude ourselves. Some seem easier at times. Other times it is hard to push yourself to keep in touch, or at least it is for me because of one reason or another...low energy for instance. You have to consider though--and I am again taking stock what with the new year--who you want in your life and how to strengthen or revitalize slackening bonds.