Finding the Romantic Within

I have never thought of myself as a girly-girl. I don't like getting my hair done or my nails (nail polish just starts to chip away nearly immediately and I hate that waste of money and energy). I don't enjoy shopping for clothes, although I like clothes and fashion in theory. I like pink fine, but not too much. I like jewelry, but find it mostly gets in the way or gets lost or damaged (I should admit that when I do buy or wear jewelry it is BIG). I don't really like diamonds--they are brilliantly sparkly true, but why not spend money on something more meaningful than a very expensive rock...I would be perfectly content with garnets myself. I have no dreams of a wedding...in fact if I get married I rather elope (it is just too hard to figure out who you are going to invite to a wedding, so it is best to just do it on your own and have everyone feel slighted!) and spend the money on a down payment for a house and have a very lovely party later with excellent food in a comfortable and relaxed setting.

But there are certainly ways I am a stereotypical woman: I LOVE, LOVE Jane Austen. Last night Masterpiece Theatre kicked off their new Masterpiece Classic hosted by Gillian Anderson (they will be announcing the new hosts for Masterpiece Mystery! (summer) and Masterpiece Contemporary (fall) later this year) with an all-new Persuasion. In fact for those who likewise are thrilled with waistcoats, men on horseback, misunderstandings, tart heroines and the like for the next few months every Sunday night on PBS is dedicated to airing the entire works of Jane Austen: "The Complete Jane Austen" (four of the productions are all new and a new biopic about Jane Austen as well). I swoon, I rejoice, and my little heart swells with warm romantic contentment. How can I be upset when I have Jane Austen to look forward to? After watching the sweet Persuasion (which I have been remiss in not reading), I pulled out my copy of A&E's Pride and Prejudice (the Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle version which in PBS's wisdom will also be airing) and slipped into a wholly pleasant state.

I had forgotten the seductive appeal of romantic books and film and how I disappear. For however long I read or watch, there is no me. I don't react, I don't think, but rather just observe. It is a blissful state of suspension. Sometimes it is good to be away from your own thoughts and emotions or at least I have always felt so. For a while I may have indulged too readily in my chosen drug, which helps to calm me. It is difficult being an even-tempered person when you have a terribly erratic and tempestuous emotional nature makes your skin feel like it is too tight....

Note: I have been playing with this post for the last couple and days and I am tired of it, so find it as it is--January 16, 2008

An Admirable Woman

For over two months I have had "The Prizewinner of Defiance, Ohio" to watch. I believe that to fully appreciate some movies and books, you must be ready for them. Not to say that "The Prizewinner of Defiance, Ohio" is a hard movie to watch, in fact it's tone is fun and spunky even when dealing with harsh realities because Evelyn Ryan, the woman Julianne Moore (one of my favorite current actresses) portrays in the film, was like that. What I mean is that I tried watching this film nearly a year ago at a friend's house and it did not work out (cable problems) and I have a feeling I was meant to wait to see the film when I was more receptive of just what an amazing woman Evelyn Ryan was.

I should mention I had heard an interview with Terry "Tuff" Ryan, the daughter of Evelyn Ryan who wrote the memoir, The Prizewinner of Definance, Ohio: How My Mother Raised 10 Kids on 25 Words or Less on The Diane Rehm Show years before (probably around 2001 when the memoir was released. Sadly, Terry Ryan died of cancer earlier this year) and was struck by how remarkable Evelyn Ryan seemed. I think Julianne Moore described what was so admirable about Evelyn Ryan best in her commentary of the film (I am paraphrasing at the moment): She refused to be defeated by the shortcomings in her life--she dealt with her life with strength, resolve and an amazing positive mood and lived without bitterness or regrets. She was someone who appreciated what she had rather than dwell on what she did not. She also defused others' anger with laughter and did not allow it to faze her. Additionally, she was clever, resourceful and bursting with life and love. I plan on finding the memoir and reading it in between all the other things I read (starting Love in the Time of Cholera, various magazines & cookbooks and about 12 step programs to name a few things--do you ever feel like you are bursting with all you could do and wish to do?).

I have no idea how Evelyn Ryan remained so unruffled by the negative in her life (including an alcoholic husband that drank much of his earnings), but maybe the memoir will help me to find out and emulate such an attitude. I realize that I waste too much energy on anger, which only perpetuates the worst, rather than best in others and me. I want to cultivate laughter, growth, creativity, friendship, connection, warmth and understanding....

Spirits

Having been enthralled like many millions by the Harry Potter series, I also became ensnared by children and young adult literature. Today I finished reading Nancy Farmer's The Ear, the Eye, and the Arm set in Zimbabwe in the year of 2194. It is an intriguing future world intermixing such things as: evil genetically engineered blue monkeys; a wasteland being mined for rare plastic; a sequestered preserve in the middle of a bustling city with no modern technology; a mile-high building which is a vertical city in itself and spirits of ancestors, animals and the land. The characters of this delightful book are just as varied and colorful, but, dear reader, you can read more about that yourself by reading the link provided.

What I am most interested in discussing right now is spirits. In the book the living are constantly aware of the spiritual realm. Most important of all the spirits was the mhondoro: the lion spirit or spirit of the land. Everyone living in Zimbabwe belonged to the mhondoro, every creature that had ran, ate, played, hunted, loved and died on the land belonged to the mhondoro.

How many of us now are trying to reconnect with such a spirit in whichever land we call home? No matter how sleek our architecture or how powerful our artificial intelligence we all need to feel connected to the very essence of life in some way. Some of us only need to dig into the moist earth and foster growth, others need to explore the oceans, others pound into dough like their grandmother before them, others may hike trails or search for another bird and still others surround themselves in the sounds, motions and rituals of devotion and worship. What they all search for is a sense of belonging. Belonging necessitates relationships--a sense of community and participation in something greater than the individual.

I am a practical and dubious person when it comes to spirituality and the unexplained, or at least I was. Still, I am moved by more than the tangible. It took generations to create a modern life. Perhaps those before us linger and matter more than we realize. With each person we encounter we imprint a bit of ourselves on them--some more than others. We never know the full impact of a life: how we inspire another and what our words, actions or mere presence means.

It is strange to imagine, dear reader, that your life may impart such significance well into the future...that your spirit joins those before you and will be joined by those following you.


P.S. When I was searching for images using "spirit" as my keyword, I discovered this hauntingly beautiful photograph by Diane Varner (click on link to see the photo). Enjoy clicking through the rest of her photography of nature.