Today heralded the announcement of this year's Noble Prize for literature. The winner is Doris Lessing whose most famous work is The Golden Notebook. Have I ever read The Golden Notebook? Regrettably no...at least not yet. I plan on reading it not because of Ms. Lessing winning the Noble Prize, but since it delves into the internal dialogue of the characters and also for the fact that Ms. Lessing's formal education ended at the age of 13.
In my years since college some of the smartest and most innovative people I have met have not gone to college. I think it is important to remember that college is not for everyone nor does it instantly make someone intelligent or successful. Education is more about constantly being open to new ideas, thoughts and being willing to learn everyday from the multitude of teachers and learning experiences life throws into our path. To be an enlightened person you have to seek knowledge and also take an active role in your own education--you can't be passive or lethargic about evolving.
In days of old great thinkers wrote numerous letters to other great thinkers in order to exchange information and broaden the scope of each other's thoughts. You must remain engaged with the world at all times to glean the most from living in such a world. I am constantly reminded of this fact. I don't wish to remain static. As I age I don't wish to be like one of those insects captured in one moment in time indefinitely in amber. As much as I enjoy writing, my passion really is in research, which is not so extraordinary when I think how much I gravitate towards reading and collecting. Writing in many ways is the way of sharing amassed knowledge. Creative writing for me is a way of sharing amassed knowledge filtered through myths, dreams and fantasies.
The old maxim of learning something new everyday remains a thread of hope and promise for me and casts light upon looming darkness. My perspective shifts into one of anticipation and joy in the discovery. The prospect that at least one new piece of information or that I may see something or someone in a different way each and every day means that every day is full of surprise and mystery...that all things are possible...that we can grow, change, enrich and blossom....
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Why, Radiohead, Why?!?
Maybe you are aware that today Radiohead has released their latest album, In Rainbows, via download on their website and you name the price...any price. Sounds great, right? Wrong. I can't get on the site and I am conflicted about what to spend. I think I may go with $10.00, but am I being too cheap? Should I spend $11.99 - $14.99 like I would in a store? What is the price which balances the worth of their album (which I think is pretty damn high) and what I can afford? Oh, the ethical dilemma! I love you, but why do you need to make a simple purchase into yet another moment for me to question what I do and why?
October 11th Update:
After some hassle, I finally purchased the download for £ 6.00 and they then tacked on a £ 0.45 surcharge for use of a credit card (was I supposed to send them a check?). Remember that the current exchange rate is 2.0334 American dollars per British pound. I therefore paid approximately $13.12 for the download. Yet another example of how I am being screwed by the declining value of the dollar!
October 11th Update:
After some hassle, I finally purchased the download for £ 6.00 and they then tacked on a £ 0.45 surcharge for use of a credit card (was I supposed to send them a check?). Remember that the current exchange rate is 2.0334 American dollars per British pound. I therefore paid approximately $13.12 for the download. Yet another example of how I am being screwed by the declining value of the dollar!
Melancholy Delusions
Last night I dreamt of a middle school/high school friend of mine. I stopped him by grabbing his elbow and I excitedly said his name. He smiled, said hi and promptly went on his way. He was terribly important to me in that moment and yet I was just a vague and distant memory to him. I realize that is the way it works in real life as well. I believe for most people others are interchangeable, as they don't see another as an individual so much as what they do for them. When you begin to really get to know someone, no matter what their quirks or issues, you see what makes them unique (and hopefully you celebrate it). When that person is no longer in your life, you miss them and they can't be replaced. I have many holes in my life where once there was a friend.
Another friend of mine told me I would forget him when he left my life like he assumes everyone else has in the past. He had no idea of who I am. In some ways I wish I could forget and easily get over it like most people seem to be able to do. I suppose there are those of us who are meant to remember, as our wounds never fully heal. I sometimes feel like Miss Haversham frozen in her decaying and brittle past. I am haunted by who I have lost and occasionally overwhelmed by the bursting of distilled emotion. Maybe my purpose in life is to be a witness.
It is amazing how quickly I can feel completely alone as if somehow everyone else in the world are separated from me by an invisible barrier. I realize that this is all in my mind. Why should one moment I feel connected, in touch and the next isolated? I have friends and good friends at that, but still I don't feel I have anyone I can turn to when I am in certain moods as either the bonds of friendship only go too far or they simply are unavailable.
An extended family member once called me aloof and another said I was cold. Perhaps I am both things because there is a fundamental truth that causes me to remain remote: I don't trust anyone entirely with my emotions. I believe at a young age I realized an inequality of feeling and meaning. I was overly sensitive and overly attached.
Perhaps that was a mistaken interpretation on my part? Perhaps I am still living under false presumptions? Do I give myself too much credit and others too little? It would be funny, but not entirely surprising, if I have been living life according to childish delusions.
Another friend of mine told me I would forget him when he left my life like he assumes everyone else has in the past. He had no idea of who I am. In some ways I wish I could forget and easily get over it like most people seem to be able to do. I suppose there are those of us who are meant to remember, as our wounds never fully heal. I sometimes feel like Miss Haversham frozen in her decaying and brittle past. I am haunted by who I have lost and occasionally overwhelmed by the bursting of distilled emotion. Maybe my purpose in life is to be a witness.
It is amazing how quickly I can feel completely alone as if somehow everyone else in the world are separated from me by an invisible barrier. I realize that this is all in my mind. Why should one moment I feel connected, in touch and the next isolated? I have friends and good friends at that, but still I don't feel I have anyone I can turn to when I am in certain moods as either the bonds of friendship only go too far or they simply are unavailable.
An extended family member once called me aloof and another said I was cold. Perhaps I am both things because there is a fundamental truth that causes me to remain remote: I don't trust anyone entirely with my emotions. I believe at a young age I realized an inequality of feeling and meaning. I was overly sensitive and overly attached.
Perhaps that was a mistaken interpretation on my part? Perhaps I am still living under false presumptions? Do I give myself too much credit and others too little? It would be funny, but not entirely surprising, if I have been living life according to childish delusions.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Belated Congratulations
I received a lovely email from a good friend of mine last night in my dabblerextraordinaire inbox. She conveyed a surge of support for this little blog. I happened to be chatting with another friend of mine when the email came through and this friend I was chatting with also expressed appreciation for the blog. There are moments when you can feel enveloped by your friends' regard for you--that was one such moment. I can't thank my friends enough for their continued support of me and for all the wonderful compliments about this blog.
My friend who emailed me also brought to my attention how I haven't congratulated her yet on the addition of her first nephew into her family. Funny she should mention it because I have tried twice to do just that on this blog. The first time I began a post with the sentiment but somehow it became very maudlin, therefore it is still in the draft stage. The other time I attempted to congratulate her about the birth of her nephew I second guessed myself (because I thought it might be bad manners) and edited it out. I guess in the world we live in you express something in whatever medium you have at your disposal.
So, my dear friend, I congratulate you for becoming an aunt to an undoubtedly adorable nephew. He is a most fortunate baby boy to be surrounded with so much love and acceptance. More particularly I know that your nephew is blessed to have such a warm, caring and nurturing aunt.
My friend who emailed me also brought to my attention how I haven't congratulated her yet on the addition of her first nephew into her family. Funny she should mention it because I have tried twice to do just that on this blog. The first time I began a post with the sentiment but somehow it became very maudlin, therefore it is still in the draft stage. The other time I attempted to congratulate her about the birth of her nephew I second guessed myself (because I thought it might be bad manners) and edited it out. I guess in the world we live in you express something in whatever medium you have at your disposal.
So, my dear friend, I congratulate you for becoming an aunt to an undoubtedly adorable nephew. He is a most fortunate baby boy to be surrounded with so much love and acceptance. More particularly I know that your nephew is blessed to have such a warm, caring and nurturing aunt.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Columbus Day
Poor Columbus Day gets no respect. I find myself at work instead of celebrating this great day because my boss questions the holiday. "What is Columbus Day?" he asks with incredulity. I stutter over an answer which will enlighten and humble him and fail miserably because I don't wholeheartedly believe in Columbus Day nor fully understand why we are celebrating Columbus "discovering" the Americas and the future colonization and exploitation of resources, lands and indigenous peoples by Europeans. Still, it is a reason (no matter how questionable) to get off work or school and have a three-day weekend.
Perhaps I could properly defend such a holiday if it was packaged as a day of discovery or even rediscovery. We could give people gifts of maps and educational tools like books (anything to encourage reading and love of books I am all for), make local trips, spend time with a family member, learn something about another culture or even about indigenous cultures, perhaps try a new hobby.
Maybe next year, dear reader, you may find an envelope waiting for you before Columbus Day (as there is no mail on Columbus Day) with a map enclosed and it will remind you of all the things you have yet to explore. Until then hopefully you enjoy a day off to relax.
Perhaps I could properly defend such a holiday if it was packaged as a day of discovery or even rediscovery. We could give people gifts of maps and educational tools like books (anything to encourage reading and love of books I am all for), make local trips, spend time with a family member, learn something about another culture or even about indigenous cultures, perhaps try a new hobby.
Maybe next year, dear reader, you may find an envelope waiting for you before Columbus Day (as there is no mail on Columbus Day) with a map enclosed and it will remind you of all the things you have yet to explore. Until then hopefully you enjoy a day off to relax.
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