Busy!

I have a feeling there will be a little delay (a couple of days, I hope) before I can write the post about the party (in short it went really, really well) with a few pictures and recipes to share with you. I am so very grateful for all of the more than kind responses of late (they are all incredible!!) . I had plans to respond to each of them yesterday as they warrant such consideration, but instead I took the day off from nearly everything. There is a time when good intentions meet reality and reality wins. This week I will get back to my correspondence which includes responding to a lovely email or two from my oldest friend.

I only wanted to let you, dear reader, know that I am temporarily occupied, but will be filling you in on the Spooktacular Souper and some other exciting things (how is that for a cliffhanger!)....

Follow Through

I am trying to keep on top of my correspondence. There are people to write by email, others to send a birthday card, belated wedding card (yes, that is on my list and I have a clue about the design), anniversary cards, etc. Then there are the phone calls. I have a mental list of people to call. I enjoy phone calls, but don't talk too often on them because of the fact that when I do I can talk for hours. I am not sure how appreciative people are of this proclivity so I tend to call rarely.

Correspondence in whatever mode or medium you use is terribly important to remaining connected with not only friends, family and acquaintances, but the community and world at large. Also, as I mentioned in a previous post I am aware of my own responsibility of maintaining relationships, redeveloping those that have slipped away and fostering new ones. I have quite a few more friends from my past to reconnect with or at least attempt to reconnect with as our lives may have moved in too disparate of directions to be any thing more than an acquaintance now. Still, it is worth the effort to convey to someone that they still remain in your thoughts and to acknowledge the meaning they have or had in your life.

In an effort to be prepared for the upcoming holiday card-making extravaganza I am making an effort to be organized and most importantly REMAIN organized. In the past I have been a sprinter making a mad-dash-beginning but falling short of the end, but I am working on becoming a marathon runner who paces herself. I think I become so seduced and dazzled with a larger-than-life image of myself by doing tasks in such a spectacular way that I loose energy, momentum and heart in face of the looming monumental goals I set up for myself. I then let others and myself down. Being an all or nothing sort, one missed birthday and the whole dream falls apart for me. Erosion of self-image, etc. ensues until I feel so embarrassed or ashamed of my inability to complete something I may go so far as not communicate with the person I feel I have disappointed.

For instance, a friend from college had a lovely child more than two years ago (actually he shares a birthday with my sister and another friend of mine). I took a class at my favorite store to learn how to make this certain little scrapbook for the little man as a gift. I began it and it remains incomplete and so now two years have passed without me making a gesture to celebrate this friend's son and instead of just remaining in touch, I did the cowardly thing and remained silent stewing in my guilt and causing perhaps irreparable harm to an important relationship. I forgive myself for being dumb. Now, it is time to actually do something!

When I was in middle school and still went to Sunday School (something I really dreaded), I had this lovely teacher...I can't remember what exactly she taught (we had several classes with different teachers much like regular school), but I remember her saying how she hated the word "sin" and preferred using the euphemism of "missing the mark". I liked that then and I still do. I miss the mark a whole hell of a lot and I am learning how to forgive myself for it and then to make amends. It is all well and good I feel guilty, but what good is the guilt if doesn't motivate me to do better? A therapist told me that my intentions are good, but do I want to have people constantly give me a break because I meant well? It is a pattern I have relied too much on...people usually want to give people a chance for whatever reason and I have taken advantage of that.

I believe I have skated by a lot in life because I have been blessed by too much good fortune. So many things come too easily to me that when I actually had to work for something I didn't know what to do. Rather than work, I often would blame myself for not having the natural ability or avoid it entirely. It was a cop out and it is still something I find myself wanting to do. In the end, it is best to deal with things head on than let them build until they become issues, therefore the need to communicate and follow through.

Tomorrow happens to be World Card Making Day and I, dear reader, plan on making some of those cards that I have intended to make, but haven't done yet.

A Missive's Message

I think I can safely say 2/3 of my waking hours are spent on correspondence of some sort--I correspond constantly for work and leisure, learning and pleasure. I often forget how much time in the past was dedicated to the art of correspondence. In the days when there were not even telephones a large portion of the day was spent writing to friends and family too far away (only a few miles could take hours to travel to and from) to visit regularly. The now often empty dining room at one time used to be a place someone could write letters.

I rarely pen a note much less a real letter, but I still treasure them. I remember when I was little and I spent the night with my then best friend we would sometimes create stationary using whatever art and craft tools we happened to own--I am positive that some of that stationary is lovingly packed away in some box of mine. A few years back one holiday season during college I made sets of computer generated personalized stationary for my friends and another time I created stationary as graduation gifts for other friends.

When I returned home from college--using some of the stationary friends had given me as gifts through the years knowing my love of stationary--I tried to remain connected to the friends who were more like family than friends during which we shared nearly every dinner together for four years (and much of our time away from studying) by writing them letters. As convenient as email, phones and the like are, there is nothing as personal and heartfelt as a handwritten note, card or letter, nor such a testament of the sender's regard for the person receiving such a missive. Some of the letters I wrote remain in my possession never sent, waiting to be opened by those they are addressed to...little time capsules that once I find again I will send off along with new words of greeting to old friends.

This week I received a lovely thank you note from my college friend whose marriage I had attended just last month and I realized that I should have been the one writing a thank you. Her handmade and handwritten note reminded me of the value and importance of such correspondence and also what our friendship meant to me during college and how much I still value it. Years may have passed, but suddenly I remember who we all used to be, how we lingered over our meals long after the dining hall had emptied of all others and how special a time it was....

I think of these entries a little like those letters only the recipient is you, dear reader, and perhaps my future self when I need a little memory jog.

Commenting on Commenting & Film, Part I of Many

First, about the blog: Do I read the comments? Someone asked me this question and the answer is YES! I savor the comments by those kind enough to leave them. I haven't yet replied to the comments as I am not sure how I wish to handle them. For me nothing is simple. Do I answer each comment like I would an email or message (for anyone familiar with how I write when I am focused you may realize why I hesitate to do just this--I tend to be the equivalent of an avalanche)? For those people I correspond with (at this point only friends are commenting), do I reply to them personally off the blog? Or do I read the comment, ponder them and perhaps use them as inspiration or the like for future posts? For instance, I am not sure he is aware of it, but Eric was the impetus of the Public vs. Private post. An "anonymous" commenter posted some suggestions that I may follow in the future. At this point, I am going to mix it up and use my discretion. I did wish to let those who have commented on and off the blog know that I appreciate every word you have written!

Now on to something else: movies. I watch a lot of movies and not all of them are good by even the most liberal of definitions. My philosophy on movies (and books too) is that even by watching lousy movies I am learning to more fully appreciate the better films. At the moment I am trying to catch up on cult films, silent films and foreign films all with the help of one of the best channels on cable: Turner Classic Movies (TCM). I could write an ode here to TCM, but I think the sheer repetition to which I mention it in glowing terms will undoubtedly make apparent the extent to which I am an ardent fan.

Last night I watched a French silent film I had recorded: The Passion of Joan of Arc (or in its original title La Pasion de Jeanne d'Arc). It is a visually beautiful film first of all--stark, haunting, harrowing and naked with music written for the film at a later date, I believe. What most impressed me when watching this film was the commitment and devotion of both Joan of Arc and that depicted by the actual actress. This was the first and last film made by the actress, as I was informed by the ever informed Robert Osborne when he introduced the film, and her performance is considered by many as the best ever captured on film. High praise, but if you ever watch the movie I wonder if you aren't likewise riveted by the raw power of her eyes alone. I contemplated if I had seen another actor invest so much in how their eyes welled up with tears or widened in horror or terror? Something often lost in films since gaining audio is the subtly of movement in as simple as a blinking of the eye, the hardening of a lip or slight slump of the shoulder. We humans betray what we think and feel in those actions...in our individual ticks. The motions and expressions in silent films are often larger and more grand than in life, but you begin to realize how important the body is when understanding emotion and a character. I am sure this is not lost on the stage, but I believe in movies (mayhap mostly those from the States) too many other things detract and distract from such simple facts.

The Passion of Joan of Arc is actually the second French silent I have seen in as many months. Both have been surprisingly enjoyable and I must admit to feeling a bit self-congratulatory about how cultured I consider myself after watching such movies. Now, dear reader, do not worry that I will suddenly become a film snob. Keep in mind that I still watch such gems and masterpieces of cinematic art as Waxworks II: Lost in Time and Joe Dirt with glee. My mind may strive for intellectual depth and emotional resonance and it may also be able to determine the level of quality, yet my little heart is an equalitarian. I am a lover of both brilliance and pure crap.